For someone who comes from a country where arranged marriages and dowries have long since disappeared, China can sometimes offer a rather confronting picture. A couple of months ago, whilst sharing a drink with a friend, I inquired after his girlfriend. His answer bewildered me at first: She was out on a date with a young man whom her parents wanted her to marry. The scenario was definitely one I could not have accepted but my friend seemed resigned. He explained that her parents didn't like him because he wasn't rich enough and was born on the wrong day. Knowing the sweet and kind hearted woman he was dating, and seeing she was obviously in love with him, I laughed off his comments and got back to my drink.

China is a fast paced country, we all know that, so I shouldn't have been surprised when only two months later my friend returned and announced she was now married, unfortunately not to him! Supposedly, she had very little say in the matter and in any case, didn't want to stand up to her parents. But to what extend is she a victim of traditional misogyny?

Recent discussion groups on the Internet have put these questions under the spotlight and what appears is quite scary. It seems that the young women themselves are putting aside love, passion and desire for the stability of a big apartment and a flash new car. Estimates published by Yangcheng evening news last year show that to "buy" a Cantonese wife from Guangzhou, families need to cash out around two million yuan to provide the car, house, house decoration, wedding, wedding photos, honeymoon, and pocket money during the courting phase...

In addition to material possessions, some girls born after 1985 are saying that good tastes or habits is another important criterion for selecting a spouse. A girl born in 1987 announced on the net that her "soul mate" should: have a house which can accommodate at lease 5 people, have a private car, won't let her take a bus during pregnancy, and hopefully play golf and tennis.

Another girl claims that surfing on the Internet, singing in KTV and listening to live concerts are not good habits, although I'm sure a big clanky symphony in the front row of the Xinghai concert hall doesn't count. "Royal sports" like tennis, golf and even horse ridding are what this young girl requires. But what has horse ridding got to do with good manners? I myself rode a horse when I was young, and it hasn't stopped me from drinking and singing out loud in KTV. Obviously, what is left once again is money, but this time with a little dose of prestige and the idealization of a life which is strangely similar to a TV add for red wine or a new car. Not a life, only the ideal of life.